After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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