my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
