True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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