And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
