Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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