Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Actions speak louder than pants.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
