was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
