Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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