Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
