i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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