you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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