Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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