Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
