Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
