If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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