my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
