i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
