I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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