i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
