Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
