The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
