Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
