That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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