I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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