This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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