Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
