Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
