Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
