Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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