why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
