you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
