I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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