he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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