Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
