im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
