I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
