my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
