i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
