the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
