Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
