So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
