threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
