Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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