Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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