he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
