Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
