your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
