I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
