SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
