im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
