I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
