you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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