absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
